The John Miller Program with Susan Maletta, October 19

If I had just one day off, I’d grab a pillow and blanket and curl up into one of Chris Storin’s dimples and take a long and peaceful nap. Chris has more dimples than Oprah’s ass, OK?

Chris is also funnier than most people, so it doesn’t matter that you can’t see his dimples through the radio. However, just you knowing that he has the best dimples on the planet is satisfying enough for me. I don’t even care if you understand how funny he is. But if you care about feeling happy inside and if you enjoy the feeling of genuine laughter, download the latest show at www.fccfree.com.

We also had a lot of laughs with the writer for the Jay Leno show, Phil Perrier from Hollywood! He’s not only funny but he can be really gross, and John and I absolutely love that. (Grosser the better.) We also had on the lovely and talented Kenny Altman and the weird and wonderful Danny Dechi!

Guess what?!

I got to sexually violate Danny Dechi’s asshole with a #2 pencil! Don't get upset, I put the eraser part in first, not the sharpened part. I just wanted to see if it really was truly a “Number 2” pencil. Turns out, not only did I learn that it was, indeed, a real Number 2 pencil, but I also learned that I can play KC & The Sunshine Band’s “Shake Your Booty” pretty well inside Danny’s ass! God, I am so talented. A musical genius!

Just kidding. I went nowhere near Danny Dechi's asshole. (I asked him if I could, but he said No.)

First up on the JMP this Sunday night, we'll chat with Bernie Lubbers! Bernie is a hilarious national touring comedian, public speaker, and corporate humorist, and he's the famous Whiskey Professor! As Whiskey Professor, Bernie speaks and presents for KNOB CREEK and Beam Global Sprits & Wine. He's the celebrity face of the brands for the east coast and presents to national media as well as whiskey and bourbon festivals in Kentucky, New York, Philadelphia, Tampa and Southern Florida, Tennessee, and many other cities. Bernie's also done numerous national/regional television and radio shows, such as The Bob & Tom Show, where he's been a regular guest for more than 12 years (6 million listeners nationwide).

Now get ready to babysit with us, we have some children comedians coming to the show. Well, they aren’t really children really, but …pretty fuckin’ close. I am not even sure we can say “fuckin’” around them. FUCK!!! (Sorry.)

Nathan Jackson is a young and very funny up-and-coming stand-up comedian in the San Francisco scene, performing at clubs and colleges between California and New York. His unique twists on everyday observations and social commentary will be sure to have you laughing. Nathan was a finalist in the San Francisco Comedy Competition, beating out over 90 other comics, and he has also performed with big names such as Arj Barker. And..on a separate note...Nathan is so white, he could be my brother. Good thing the walls are painted black at the radio studio and not white or we'd never find him! This guy is so Republican, he could be my father! This guy is so young, he's even too young for me!

At just 20 years old, the next Barely Legal comic on the show is named David Wiswell. Young David hit the San Francisco comedy scene in 2004. Since then, he tied for first place in MTV’s 2005 San Francisco “Yo’ Mama!” Competition. He also reached the finals of the Twisted Sea Biscuit Contest, the Brainwash Comedy Contest, and the San Francisco Comedy Club Competition. With material ranging from his love of children to his hatred of the Pope, David displays an interesting view of morality and logic that will leave you questioning both yours and his. David will be recording his independent comedy album “Damn Glad to be Here!” so come see the sensation that’s been sweeping the floor.

Also joining us this week, a favorite of the JMP, wacky and wonderful Kurt Weitzman alongside sweet and silly Amir Malekepour!

Amir Malekpour's comedy ranges from intellectual to the absurd. Growing in a diverse family and educational background, his comedy has developed into a unique perspective that has been making audiences laugh in clubs and colleges. His mix of high energy, unique perspective, friendly nature, and smart writing cover such topics as family, relationships, arts, sciences, health, and everyday quirks.

Kurt Weitzmann has been performing comedy for over 15 years and his act has been seen on Comedy Central, MTV, and on the stages of every San Francisco comedy club ever to come or go. Kurt Weitzmann created, edited, and produced the ingenious "SF Weakly", a highly celebrated parody of the SF Weekly, for which he was labeled a comic genius by non other than The SF Weekly. Kurt Weitzmanns comedy sketch album TALENTED is now available on AMERICAN DREAMS RECORDS. Kurt is also the producer of the new hit film "Last Call" and co-creator of the very popular and funny "Jesus Roast" and "Hitler Roast". Kurt is also a regular performer at the SF Punchline.

Shake what your mama gave ya. (But please don't knock my eye out.)

Tune in! Listen to the John Miller Program with Susan Maletta this Sunday night at 10pm to midnight!

87.9 FM in San Francisco and Los Angeles or PIRATECATRADIO.COM, THEJOHN MILLERPROGRAM.COM and FCCFREE.COM every Sunday night at 10pm!

Call in at 415-341-1199! Don't freak out. It's easy. One hand goes on your phone, the other hand goes on your weiner.

Or, just use your Bluetooth device. One hand goes on your weiner, the other hand goes on your steering wheel. (Why do you think they came up with the Hands-Free law?)